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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29377449">Love, It Stings and then It Laughs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViceCaptain/pseuds/ViceCaptain'>ViceCaptain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Ryan Bergara, College AU, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Getting Together, I'm wasting my youth on these two, Idiots to Idiot Lovers, M/M, Or Is he?, Original Female Character that is kind of a dick, Pining, Ryan Bergara is a frat boy himbo, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick, Shane Madej is a big brained nerd, Top Shane Madej, or is he??</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:33:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,656</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29377449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViceCaptain/pseuds/ViceCaptain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan smiles sheepishly and even if it’s a little, shy, thing it is painfully beautiful. He seems about to leave but stops again “Listen, uh.” He looks away, a soft blush spreading on his cheeks and neither of them can blame any of that on alcohol “Are you free on Valentine’s Day?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Shyan Shipping Society - Valentine's Exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love, It Stings and then It Laughs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkspookystuff/gifts">idkspookystuff</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>SO! A SSS Exchange hit again and here I am, once more, gifting a fic to a lovely fellow shipper. Here you go, Virge, I hope you will like this thingy. And I hope it was worth the wait aandfjashfkjash ;w; Anyway, since you are my Valentine for this, I gentlemanly hand this over to you and throw <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7CBb2QC8SB4hwEnRAarH5r?si=N2n-TcmnSveogxZQ41jxVg">a related playlist</a> in, because it ain't a date until you put some music on, am I rite?<br/>Probably not, but listen, I did it and even made the cover art so, like... Take a peek at the tracklist, at least.</p><p>ALSO, big thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhalia/pseuds/Zhalia">Aj</a> for betaing this monster, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/popkin16/pseuds/popkin16">Pop</a> for giving me super helpful insight on American college and to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinfingers/pseuds/goblinfingers">Alex</a> for aiding me with finding video evidence of Ryan playing basketball, you were awesome &lt;3</p><p>Title taken from Impossible by Nothing but Thieves because I fucking wanted to write something that allowed me to add this damn song to some playlist XD</p><p>So, uh... *throws rose petals* Happy Capitalistic Love Holiday, Virge :3 Enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being dumped sucks.</p><p> </p><p>And it objectively isn’t better or worse to be dumped during a specific time. It’s downright idiotic to assume it is worse to break up, say, near Christmas. Or graduation. Or Valentine’s day.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, don’t get Shane even started on Valentine’s day. Stupid, capitalistic, useless holiday. It’s not even a real holiday, they have an assignment due for the 14th and classes to attend.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, he thinks the whole thing is bullshit. Used to think that way his whole life.</p><p> </p><p>This year would be no exception, and the fact that he would be spending the night utterly alone, binge-watching the bloodiest and most disturbing horror movies he can think of, low-key wishing that a special someone was there with him, has nothing to do with his own opinion about the asinine holiday.</p><p> </p><p>But he’s not the one being dumped four days before Valentine’s day. In fact, the one that is finding himself in that particular predicament is none other than Ryan Bergara. Total frat boy, basketball ace, sunshine-filled, stupidly beautiful, insanely hot Ryan Bergara.</p><p> </p><p>Funny. Cute. Smart. Ryan.</p><p> </p><p>His best friend (against all odds) and biggest crush ever. Yes, he would be ‘that special somebody’ he wished to spend Valentine’s day with in the above-mentioned ideal night of lonely binge-watching.</p><p> </p><p>And now here they are, sitting outside, freezing their asses on a bench while Ryan tells him he had just been dumped by his girlfriend… Brittany? Tiffany? Whatever, he never bothered to learn her name in those two months.</p><p> </p><p>“Right before Valentine’s day, man. That’s… I don’t know, it shouldn’t matter…” he’s saying, voice trembling softly as it usually does when Ryan tries his best to not be overcome by whatever emotion is messing him up at the moment. He shrugs and shakes his head, pulling up the hood on his sweatshirt, trying to act as if the cold is to blame for his quivering words and the little sniffle that follows.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I don’t think the day makes any difference?” Shane admits, eyes fixed on Ryan to pick on his every reaction. It’s not like Ryan ever made a big deal out of Valentine’s day anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t” he replies “But <em> she </em> made such a big deal about it and then…”</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan gestures vaguely and ends dragging the hand over his face with an exhale.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you come to… I mean.” Now it’s Shane’s turn to flail uselessly in the air, but they get each other so well by now that they don’t need words apparently because Ryan sighs and bites on his lower lip, dropping his gaze to the pavement.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, we had a wild fight two days ago,” he starts, “Like, seriously bad. Harsh words and yelling, she even called me names. But in the end, I thought we were good, that we settled it. And yet, today she just. Broke up.” He clears his throat, “Honestly, I was still kinda pissed about our argument, but since we apologized I figured I only needed to let it cool. Apparently she wasn’t so over it as she said.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane rolls his eyes despite himself, “What was this argument about?” He asks levelly. He’s really trying here, it would be easy to just dismiss the whole thing saying what he really thinks about Tiffany. Audrey?</p><p> </p><p>Ryan scratches the back of his head, the perfect picture of a ‘bro’ about to be honest about feelings and such “Uhm. She didn’t like that we spent so much time together.” He dares to look up at Shane “As in, me and you. Also called you a loser so yeah… I got mighty pissed.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wow. Fucking rude Audrey. Emily? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“That’s sweet,” Shane jokes instead, trying to be the good friend and take Ryan’s mind off the whole mess.</p><p> </p><p>He does chuckle and elbows him gently, “I know, right? I’m a sweetheart.” He replies, a blinding smile pointed right at Shane and making something in his chest clench painfully.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em> Yes, you are, dammit’ </em> Shane thinks and would want to be brave enough to say out loud, place a big fat kiss on Ryan’s lips right there and then. Instead, he sighs deeply and sticks his hands in the pockets of his jacket, just to be sure they won’t go and do something stupid, like grabbing Ryan’s own.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I never really liked Emily…?” He tries, making Ryan chuckle again.</p><p> </p><p>“Beverly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Right. Beverly. Well, I never really liked her, man.” Shane adds “To be frank, I think she spent these two months just… projecting her own guilt on you.”</p><p> </p><p>She had been jealous to the point of controlling, it wasn’t healthy and it is true that more often than not, it is a case of unfaithful lovers projecting on their partners their own guilt. Also, to be completely honest, she didn’t seem to realize just how much Ryan was giving in their relationship... Well, as he usually does, he doesn’t take commitment lightly, be it long or short.</p><p> </p><p>But then again, Shane is absolutely biased and has been crushing on the other since forever, he would have grovelled to just have his feelings returned. But since that could never happen, he and the knees on his jeans are safe.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean… that maybe she cheated on me?” Ryan asks, voice small “You think?”</p><p> </p><p>Fuck. Shane wants to slap himself, he’s supposed to help his bestie feel better not even worse about the whole thing “I’m not saying that, but… uh, it makes sense to assume she had been looking around while you were together.” He offers and he wouldn’t be surprised if she just… found someone she liked better?</p><p> </p><p>Which isn’t necessarily bad. But then she went and uselessly broke Ryan’s heart when she only needed to be open about how she really felt. And maybe not be mean to him just for the sake of… What? Her own popular girl’s pride?</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I’m just… Telling you what I honestly think. Uh. We have no proof that she could… You know.” Shane mumbles, trying to be believable.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan sighs deeply again, seems to take his time to try and calm down. It doesn’t matter if they had been dating for long or not, he always wears his heart on his sleeve. If he gets to commit to someone then it’s because he’s serious about it and always does his best.</p><p> </p><p>Shane feels like screaming. Literally shriek. Whether it is at Beverly, Ryan, or himself. </p><p> </p><p>Mainly himself.</p><p> </p><p>Just how pathetic could he get? The more he thinks about the whole thing and his unreturned feelings, the more he feels stuck in a shitty rom-com. But he fits the archetype of the supportive best friend far too well. And they usually end up being consumed by their unrequited love or turning into total dicks as soon as they make a move.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan shrugs again and gives Shane a gentle shove in the side “Whatever,” he announces “Her loss, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Shane would protest, knowing far too well just how many thoughts are flying around in that adorable, little head of his, all trying to understand where <em> he </em>failed at being a good boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he leans in the touch of their bodies and returns the playful shove “Totally. And let me tell you, today’s classes are canceled” he adds.</p><p> </p><p>“When did they say that? Did I miss an email?” Ryan replies, fishing the phone from the pocket of his jeans.</p><p> </p><p>Shane laughs softly “I’m saying it now. I’m inviting you to skip class, dummy.”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan smiles fondly at him, a soft blush coloring his cheeks “You don’t have to,” he tries, weakly. It’s so obvious he doesn’t want to be alone right now and that the mere idea of spending time with Shane is enough to make him feel better already.</p><p> </p><p>“But I want to, babe,” Shane replies, vehemently “Besides, you wouldn’t focus anyway. Also, I’m a genius as you know, so I think I can manage,” he jokes with a playful grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Pft. Having a huge head doesn’t make you automatically a genius, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Very funny. You’re recovering quickly, I see.” Shane deadpans which makes Ryan laugh, warm and bright. Brighter than the winter sun shining down on them through the crisp air. Stunning as he always is and even more now that he pushed back the hurt look in his eyes, causing Shane to force himself to swallow whatever comment he had been about to make, because each of them would have been ‘I love you’.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> How could anyone just… Dump Ryan Steven Bergara? Look at that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Foolishness. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They end up having an early brunch at the Pie Hole and then frolicking around the entire morning, the whole time they seem to just forget everything else as they usually do when they’re together. It’s their thing since they started to hang out right at the beginning of college.</p><p> </p><p>Their friends are baffled at the way they seem to perfectly go along, considering the very different groups they are part of and honestly, Shane himself still is bewildered because he knows he’s a slightly weird, tall, lanky nerd. Ryan’s bros kinda find him off-putting, even, and it’s fair.</p><p> </p><p>And yet, there they are, as different as they could be, from opposite worlds, bantering and laughing like no one could ever make a more perfect little space for one another.</p><p> </p><p>When he thinks about it, he can’t really say when it was that he fell for Ryan, by now it is part of him so he doesn’t even stop to wonder about when that was. There’s just before Ryan and after Ryan.</p><p> </p><p>And that… that sounds really bad. Because it is, he has the worst case of ‘loser in love with the popular kid’ if he ever saw one. <em> He </em> has. The big-brained robot boy that relied only on science and hard facts, the one that distantly pitied those that couldn’t handle their feelings well enough to rationally stop themselves before falling for someone unattainable, he so convinced of his own emotional control, so confident he wouldn’t make that same mistake… Shane Alexander Madej, ready to scoff at God and the Devil alike if only they existed, deadly sure he could just stop feeling unnecessary things if he wanted to. Look at him languishing and pining like an idiot. </p><p> </p><p>He had been so, so wrong and now he can’t stop. He can think and ponder and rationalize all night and day. He can draw schemes and repeat himself there’s no use for all those feelings, but they won’t go away. And even when he thinks he managed to put them aside enough to breathe, as soon as he’s next to Ryan again they overflow and drown him, he’s swept away and dragged back to square one.</p><p> </p><p>Infuriating and so tiring. But what can he do? He won’t ever give Ryan up and everything they have together, because he’s still his best friend. That Shane failed at keeping his own feelings under control, is a Shane-problem.</p><p> </p><p>And you know what else is a Shane problem? Hiding behind a book to better pretend he’s not interested while Ryan meets with some dude-bros in the afternoon to play basketball. Of course, Shane is completely ignorant about the sport and whatever bit of knowledge he has comes from moments such as this. Which is insane because there used to be no force on the face of the earth that could make him get even the slightest bit interested in sports. </p><p> </p><p>And then he met Ryan.</p><p> </p><p>Not to say that Shane’s actually a fan now. But he does see that tiny speck of appeal it can have when he watches Ryan sprint and shake off two adversaries, when his beautiful face is drawn in concentration and determination. He’s shorter than most of the players but he runs forward like he’s a giant among them, focused and precise. There’s such an intensity to him while he doesn’t waste a single movement.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t run around uselessly, he doesn’t take a step more than it is necessary. One would think he’d be the kind to dodge and escape a lot. No, he charges and makes his way like he has a path drawn in front of him. He’s such a team player, being in the right spot at the right time, as if his perfectionism perfectly translates into the sport. And if the opponents have the physical advantage, he makes up by jump-shooting like a sniper.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, Shane is ogling from behind his book. He wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that he‘s holding it upside down. He doesn’t care, not when he can look at Ryan smile challengingly or high-five his mates or wipe the sweat from his forehead with the hem of his jersey. Shit.</p><p> </p><p>Jesus, he’s acting like a teenage girl. But it doesn’t bother him enough to stop, so yeah.</p><p> </p><p>That’s how Shane spends his afternoon, his English Literature book stuck on page 146 since he sprawled himself on the bleachers two hours ago, feigning indifference towards anything that happened on the court.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan scores once more for his team before the time’s up and he cheers with his mates while they pull one another into a big group hug. But despite all the high fives and the pats on Ryan’s back, he’s looking up at Shane, finding his eyes immediately where they hover just above his book.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan smiles at him, as if he only played to have Shane’s appreciation, blinding and bright and catching him completely by surprise. So beautiful he almost hurts his eyes, almost stops his heart. It hits him like being electrocuted and leaves him hot and raw like a sunburn.</p><p> </p><p>Shane almost drops his book, almost yelps like a fool. He flushes red and buries his face behind the volume.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But thy eternal summer shall not fade, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The page mocks him.</p><p> </p><p>Shane slams the book shut. He doesn’t need Sonnet n. 18 to call him out on his desperate crush, thank you and goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>While Shane begrudgingly shoves the textbook back in his bag like it personally offended him, Ryan has climbed up the bleachers and sat himself next to him with a content sigh, a towel draped around his neck and a sweatshirt on his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>It is a special kind of torture to have a sweaty and panting Ryan Bergara sitting so close to him that he can feel the heat exuding from his body. Shane suppresses a full-body shiver, mind threatening him with indecent thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, man. We went on longer than expected” Ryan says with an apologetic smile before taking a long, sloppy gulp of water.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s eyes briefly follow drops and rivulets that run along the other’s chin and neck before they whip back to his face. “Don’t worry,” he replies, trying to sound as natural as he can “You got distracted from your thoughts and I got to… study.”</p><p> </p><p>“How’s it coming along?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh. Fine. Great.”</p><p> </p><p>What a blatant lie. It sounds unconvincing even to Shane’s ears. He clears his throat and turns to collect his belongings. He’s hoping this way he won’t show his cheeks turning pink because today he just can’t act as naturally as he usually does. There are days like those too, he guesses.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway, you can go hang out with your friends, I do believe they are calling you,” he offers, thanking the distraction while he points at the guys that just played with Ryan. They wave and holler for him to join them.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan waves back but dismisses them quickly with a ‘Nah, brahs,’ before he turns his whole focus back on Shane.</p><p> </p><p>“You hung around and probably got bored out of your skull.” He starts.</p><p> </p><p>Shane didn’t get bored, but can’t tell the other that’s because he got caught up in ogling like a creep.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me at least buy you dinner.” Ryan ends, “You stayed here the whole afternoon on my behalf, it’s the very least I could do.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane really shouldn’t. Ryan smiles at him expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Goddamn it, Madej.</p><p> </p><p>“Great! I’ll have a quick shower and then we’re good to go” Ryan says with a chuckle and an affectionate little slap on Shane’s thigh. His touch lingers briefly, giving a gentle squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>“Asdfgrl.” Shane blurts intelligently. He clears his throat again “I mean. I’ll be waiting outside.” He adds quickly before he ends up waiting for him in the locker room, getting the full glorious view of his naked best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Useless to say he uses those ten/fifteen minutes to mentally slap himself and calm the fuck down. If he doesn’t stop being so obvious and clumsy, he will weird Ryan out and then, to his unrequited feelings, he can add losing his best friend too.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t allow himself to be selfish or greedy. Ryan is heartbroken and relies on him. To have been able to take his mind off it all for a whole day is already enough to make him feel good. It’s like he provided for him, he took care of him and that’s what Shane ultimately wishes and longs for. Who cares which form does he take to do so?</p><p> </p><p>Best friend. Boyfriend. Even ‘kind stranger’ would work, if it meant he got to do something out of his love for Ryan. And that single thought is enough to make Shane feel so hopeless and pathetic that he wishes he could just stop feeling emotions altogether. </p><p> </p><p>It might just be hubris, but Shane struggles to accept that <em> he </em>could be so overwhelmed by such a sentiment and, more importantly, he can’t get a grip on any of it. It keeps him up at night, it finds him when he’s alone, it hums constantly in the back of his mind every waking hour.</p><p> </p><p>Yet, as it usually is, he shoves all that somewhere inside himself, turns his back to it and pretends it isn’t there. Is that the way to not let it control him? Is it healthy even? Probably not, but he can’t deal with feelings and that’s that.</p><p> </p><p>Once he gets his shit somewhat together, he’s faced with spending the evening with Ryan and how his bright warm light sends every doubt and aggravating thought scuttling back in the darkest corners of Shane’s brain.</p><p> </p><p>They hang out and laugh, banter, make each other feel better as if heartbreak and wistful longing doesn’t exist. As if all the world they need, is the little bubble around them, perfect as long as they’re both there, but that will pop as soon as they put distance between them and are left alone with themselves.</p><p> </p><p>There are times that are harder than others to let go of it. Like that night, when they make their way back to Ryan’s frat house and Shane reaches to grab on his arm to stop and make him turn back. They are both defenseless right then, exposed and unprepared, open to each other’s gaze.</p><p> </p><p>The look they exchange is like a tightrope between them, it requires courage and balance to make it safely to the other side. They clearly are equipped with neither. At least, Shane surely isn’t, so whatever push had been about to send him past the edge stops and he deflects it.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be alright?” Shane asks, voice barely louder than a quivering whisper.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan hesitates, eyes searching intently.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he replies finally “Yes. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan smiles sheepishly and even if it’s a little, shy, thing it is painfully beautiful. He seems about to leave but stops again. “Listen, uh.” He looks away, a soft blush spreading on his cheeks and neither of them can blame any of that on alcohol “Are you free on Valentine’s Day?”</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s mind is sent careening, in the span of half a second it derails while his consciousness leaves his body just to slam back in. He suddenly believes in out-of-body experiences.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.” He replies before he starts second-guessing. He also must seem desperate so Shane clears his throat in purchase of some leftover dignity, “I mean… I’m free and I’ll be there if you need me, you know that.”</p><p> </p><p>The smile on Ryan’s lips widens, “I’ll pick you up around 8 then.” He ends and fucking <em> winks </em>at him.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s soul is tempted to vacate his body once more right then and there.</p><p> </p><p><em> Do they have a date? </em> Is he reading too much into it?</p><p> </p><p>But most importantly, how is he supposed to get to the 14th without having a breakdown?</p><p> </p><p>Three more days to go before Valentine’s Day.</p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Morning finds Shane messily wrapped in a knot of sheets and blankets, an arm dangling from the bed, his pillow thrown to the side, this close from falling to the floor. He had been tossing and turning all night, sleeping like shit.</p><p> </p><p>The alarm goes off, but he’s been awake for an hour or so, too tired to get up. He begrudgingly turns it off and groans. In the quiet stillness of his dorm room, gray pale light sipping through the blinds, he spends 10 whole minutes wondering if that’s reality. </p><p> </p><p>Everything feels fake and far away from him, his brain struggling to wrap itself around everything that happened the day before.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a part of his mind that just wants to let itself go and get his hopes up, it is ready to foolishly fall into dream scenarios that won’t ever happen and Shane struggles to keep it from going there because after all, it is just presenting him with his own desires.</p><p> </p><p>And here he thought his own brain was his strongest ally, his sharpest weapon. Fuck you, very much.</p><p> </p><p>Now he’s wondering how he should act with Ryan. Is he supposed to acknowledge the fact that he asked him out on a date? Is it even how things are?</p><p> </p><p>He probably just… Doesn’t want to be alone on that particular night after he spent time and energy planning an evening out with his ex.</p><p> </p><p>That’s it. They are not going on a date, they are just hanging out. On Valentine’s Day.</p><p> </p><p>Shane sighs and groans at his own reasoning. So what? It isn’t even a real holiday, it’s just a day like any other, he and Ryan hang out all the time and that night will be nothing more, nothing less. If anything, he probably will actually end up spending his evening with Ryan like he shyly hoped for yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>He throws himself out of bed and forces himself to finally get ready and presentable, put some clothes on and brush his teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Shane drags himself through lessons and classes, paying only half attention to most of them and zero attention all together whenever he shares them with Ryan.</p><p> </p><p>He’s far too taken by his own internal turmoil and the sight of the other: focused on the lectures, taking notes, pushing his glasses higher on his nose with a finger... Shane isn’t thinking how unfair it is that Ryan looks so good with glasses. Even more so when he usually doesn’t wear them so that it can better slap Shane right in the fucking face every time he does.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Shane stares because he’s trying to read how things are with Ryan. The big dark eyes and pink pouty lips have nothing to do with it. No, sir. There’s no thirst here, he’s merely trying to <em> read the room </em>. It’s hardly his fault if the chiseled jaw line or the messy black curls get in the way.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan seems alright with it all, he acts naturally with Shane, jokes and laughs and makes his stupid heart flutter every time he smiles at him. It’s also pretty rude of him to wear such a tight sweater, no one needs to get so distracted by his arms or chest, thank you very much.</p><p> </p><p>But no, he’s not feeling guilty in the least, clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude,” Ryan says once the lecture is over, “You spacin’ out. You good?”</p><p> </p><p><em> No. Never. </em>How could Shane? Not even in a million years when Ryan looks at him like that. And he’s losing sleep over them hanging out on Valentine’s Day. His life is a shitty rom-com. He’s crashing and burning and can’t stop himself no matter how hard he tries. He’s literally in hell.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, sure. I was thinking about… the assignment for English literature.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really? I actually wanted to ask you if you could help me out? You’re good at it and I could use some tips?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Shane replies immediately. He obviously doesn’t have an ounce of self-preservation.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan smiles brightly “Thanks, man. If there’s someone that can stir me towards a decent grade that’s you.” He says, blushing softly.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not actually bad at it, tho?” Shane adds with an arched brow.</p><p> </p><p>The other shrugs, “Maybe, but I’m not sure I get this assignment.”</p><p> </p><p>They make their way to the library and find a table to throw their stuff on. An incredibly secluded table, now that Shane notices. But then again, they usually found themselves some quiet, isolated spot to be sure they wouldn’t disturb with their unavoidable silly banter. Why the fuck does he have to be so self-conscious, all of a sudden?</p><p> </p><p>Ryan is acting completely natural, like he didn’t ask him out just the previous day, which cements evermore the certainty that he didn’t and it won’t be a date in fact and Shane’s reading too much into it. But even if he tells himself all that, he’s treading around like he expects a bomb to go off at any moment, loose and relaxed like a cat being shoved in a closet.</p><p> </p><p>He mentally slaps himself, what the hell is he doing? Making things weird like that. </p><p> </p><p>Despite the literal torture, Shane is putting himself through, they start working pretty normally, comparing notes and typing away on their laptops. </p><p> </p><p>More often than he’d like to admit, Shane throws looks at Ryan, focused and thankfully unaware of the absolute havoc his mere presence is wreaking right now inside his best friend. </p><p> </p><p>How he manages to actually offer intelligent insight on their assignment is a fucking miracle, if one ever existed in the whole ever-expanding universe. And yet, there he is, giving his analysis of the damn sonnet they are supposed to interpret. Shakespeare sonnet number 18, they meet again at last.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m actually impressed,” Ryan muses while Shane takes a pause from his tirade about the everlasting beauty of the allegories. </p><p> </p><p>He loudly swallows the gulp of water he just took and clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, why?”</p><p> </p><p>“You have such a deep insight on this and in my head I thought you’d find it kinda predictable.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not so much predictable as it is overused, but it actually ties into ol’ Will’s wish, doesn’t it?” Shane adds with a little shrug.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan pushes his laptop aside and crosses his arms over the table across from him, looking at him expectantly, a little curious smile on his lips and big brown eyes sparkling with interest. He doesn’t really need to ask to let the other understand he’d like to know more about the reasoning behind that sentence.</p><p> </p><p>Shane scratches the back of his head and blushes softly.</p><p> </p><p>“This is one of those sonnets that he dedicated to ‘The Fair Youth’ that here he compares to a warm, bright summer day,” he has to take a moment to actively stop himself from thinking that he does pretty much the same every time Ryan smiles at him. </p><p> </p><p>Shane sighs, biting on his tongue before adding that thought to his explanation. <br/><br/>“But just as summer must eventually end, so the perfect, painful beauty of this young man will be snatched away from time and death, as all things. And yet, through the verses he is allowed to live forever in that moment. As if through Shakespeare’s art and ode of love the young man had been granted eternal life. The more people read this and <em> see </em>the young man through the lover’s eyes, the longer both him and Shakespeare’s love for him will live on. Like bottling sunlight.”</p><p> </p><p>He stops, realizing he got carried away, the pink on his cheeks spreads to his whole face and down his neck as he dares a brief look at Ryan, completely taken by his long ass monologue and looking somewhat bewildered by it, too.</p><p> </p><p>Shane shifts in his chair and turns to look at his own laptop, pretending to be reviewing something.</p><p> </p><p>“So, yeah… It’s, uh. Number 18 has been written to be consumed by the biggest number of people.” He mumbles, feeling Ryan’s eyes fixed on him all the while. All that makes him feel a bit too exposed, for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>A brief silence falls over them while neither of them moves or speaks. </p><p> </p><p>Shane dares to turn and look at Ryan, finds him smiling so fondly it makes something ache in his chest, like a hold squeezing on his lungs and heart, like they are swelling too much for his ribcage to keep them inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Read it to me?” Ryan asks softly and completely out of the blue “Please?”</p><p> </p><p>Shane feels like his face is burning and his pulse is hammering in his ears “Why? It’s not like… uh. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, humor me.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s mind is shrinking and exploding at the same time, his heartbeat skyrocketing, his face overheating while his hands turn cold and shaky. Is he having a mild panic attack? Is that how it feels?</p><p> </p><p>Is that how he gets to be terrified of something for once?</p><p> </p><p>Emotions fucking suck.</p><p> </p><p>He’s not allowing himself to have an episode. He will suck it up, push it down and get a fucking grip on himself. He is Shane Alexander Madej and he does not do <em> panic attacks </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like he’s been battling himself for hours, but it’s in fact a bunch of seconds, so he pulls the textbook closer, takes a quick glimpse at Ryan (still expecting, still hanging on his lips) and finally focuses on the words printed on the page, zeroes in on them, forgetting everything else around him, as well as ignoring the roaring sound of his pounding heart, how it screams and chimes with the words he’s about to read, like they speak of his own feelings. His own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6Q_Ioj6AhQ%C2%A0"> <em> Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <em> Thou art more lovely and more temperate. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And summer’s lease hath all too short a date. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And often is his gold complexion dimmed; </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And every fair from fair sometime declines, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> By chance or nature’s changing course untrimmed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But thy eternal summer shall not fade, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nor shall Death brag thou wand’rest in his shade, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>   So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>   So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>All the while, Shane doesn’t even hear himself while he reads, just lets the words and his voice flow, forcefully ignoring all the emotions attached to them. Whatever he accomplished, though, he finds Ryan staring at him, like he just watched some kind of performance or a phenomenon, something he was looking for but that still surprised him so much that he’s speechless.</p><p> </p><p>The thing, of course, makes Shane speechless as well. Why can’t Ryan just… Laugh and tease him about it? He surely expected the other to do so, not to be looked at like that and now they are both stuck there, between unease and awe.</p><p> </p><p>“I got what you meant,” says Ryan, thankfully breaking the stasis, “You made me understand pretty clearly, big guy.” His voice is awed, almost dreamy.</p><p> </p><p>Shane wonders if he’s being made fun of. “Just by reading it? I doubt it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Believe it or not, you put enough sentiment in it.” Ryan replies with a shrug, like that explains anything “I think I now understand why you are so good with this stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>“Literature?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I know you struggle a lot with your emotions, but to have authors that write about them or use them for something as tangible as a text it’s like having some kind of guide, right?” Ryan says cheerful, his smile still so painfully fond and beautiful “I think it does you good and allows your feelings to find a safe outlet.”</p><p> </p><p>One wouldn’t think that Ryan can be so perceptive, you would assume that he’s loud and captivating, more focused on projecting his own self to the outside. But he’s so sensitive to those close to him, can read them so well without betraying his doing so. That’s one of the things that make them go along so well: a lot happens in Shane’s mind, too much at times, and it is mostly left unsaid. It doesn’t escape Ryan’s keen eyes though.</p><p> </p><p>As long as it all stays in the range of ‘friends’ of course.</p><p> </p><p>Shane shakes his head and snorts, pushing all those thoughts aside, along with the tightness in his chest, “Don’t you know I’m a nasty, uncaring cryptid?” He jokes.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan laughs, “Bad Sasquatch,” he replies before shaking his head, eyes glinting with amusement and fondness “I won’t tell anyone you’re one of the kindest people I know. Your secret is safe.” </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” Shane mumbles, blushing again and making the other laugh once more.</p><p> </p><p>“You researched sport references to help me with the last history paper,” Ryan continues, a smug little smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, I get it. Stop praising me and work on your assignment now,” Shane continues, getting redder and more helpless by the second which is apparently a hilarious sight because his best friend is still giggling like an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>“Cuddly Big Foot.” </p><p> </p><p>“Gentle Gremlin.”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan wheezes at that. “What the fuck…!” he snorts and slaps his hands over his mouth to keep from making too much noise, a table of 4 students is already glaring daggers at them from behind their laptops and piles of biology books.</p><p> </p><p>Shane grins at the reaction he was able to elicit, that worrisome tightness in his chest getting even worse, seeing Ryan laugh so carelessly because of him makes Shane want to grab the other by the shoulders and tell him how much he loves him, over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>He quietly smiles, instead, “Either way, all my ramblings about this sonnet didn’t really help with the assignment, so it really wasn’t of any use.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wrong.” Ryan simply says, voice small, almost a whisper, but so unwavering. </p><p> </p><p>When Shane whips his eyes up from his screen to look at the other, he’s already typing away, completely taken by his own writing.</p><p> </p><p>He’s stressing too much. About all of it. He’s imagining things, reading too much into everything. He will be fine once Valentine’s Day is over.</p><p> </p><p>Two more days to go.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The next day seems to start as ‘more of the same’.</p><p> </p><p>Shitty, fucked up sleeping schedule? Check.</p><p> </p><p>Clusterfuck of emotions that Shane sweeps under the carpet in utter denial? Check.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling of impending, unavoidable doom? Check, baby.</p><p> </p><p>Clothes, worn. Teeth, brushed. Life, royally fucked. He’s good to go.</p><p> </p><p>Since he doesn’t share that many classes with Ryan today, Shane tries to convince himself that it won’t be that bad. He will be able to distract himself from… Whatever the fuck is going on in his life right now.</p><p> </p><p>And for the most part of the morning it actually works out fairly decently. It’s not like he’s not silently, internally falling apart every waking moment, but at least he manages to stuff all that in the back of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Shane only has to try and keep that profile the whole day. If he sticks to what he has to do and actually… Avoid Ryan for those two whole days he might even be able to stop thinking about their date.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wait. It’s not a date. It has absurd, fucked up timing, but it most definitely isn’t a date. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ah, there he goes, almost falling back into obsessing over that evening. He wonders if Ryan would be hurt if he called the thing off… Of course he would. He already looks like a kicked puppy every time they cancel even the most mundane plans.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s mind provides the memory of Ryan asking him, two days ago. The playful little smirk, the way he winked… Jesus, it should be illegal. Ryan Bergara should be forbidden to wink.</p><p> </p><p><em> Enough </em>. He will focus on his lectures, take notes and leave the thirsting for that evening, when he’s alone in his room.</p><p> </p><p>His need to distract himself is so desperate that he pours his whole focus into classes. He could probably take the finals right there and then, or explain the whole lesson to his peers as well as the professor.</p><p> </p><p>Shane usually doesn’t work like that, he’s more relaxed about the whole thing, pays just the right amount of attention, but not too much. He allows himself distractions, spaces out often enough. </p><p> </p><p>So, when in the end he finally beelines for the cafeteria, his head is killing him. He’s tense and stressed, basically begging himself to not let his mind fall back into its loop of panicking and wondering. All this, while his pulse hammers painfully through his right hemisphere and nestles behind his eye. </p><p> </p><p>All he wants is to curl up in bed and sleep for a week, but he promised Katie that he would have taken notes for her and she is one of the few people he could call friend in that class (serves him right for picking something like <em> Linguistics and Cognitive Studies… </em> he probably <em> is </em> a masochist.). </p><p> </p><p>Shane drops his bag and flops on a chair, a tall cup of black, scorching coffee in front of him. He stares in the caffeinated abyss and the abyss, of course, stares back. </p><p>He sips and waits, waits and sips, cradling his drink like it’s aged wine. </p><p> </p><p>At least the coffee is good. Shitty coffee IS a good reason to change college, in his humble opinion. They should offer coffee freebies along with brochures and depliants. </p><p> </p><p>Shane is amusing himself with the thought of picking colleges based on the quality of the cafeteria’s joe, picturing himself with one of those pretentious little cups sommeliers use. </p><p> </p><p>That’s why when someone sits next to him without asking if they could, he almost spills his drink all over himself. Thankfully, he’s quite deft and is able to save both the beverage and his sweater.</p><p> </p><p>Shane turns with a death glare to whoever that is and expects to see Katie. </p><p> </p><p>No such luck. </p><p> </p><p>There, returning the dirty look, is Ryan’s ex.</p><p> </p><p>“Kimberly?” he says, frowning in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Beverly,” she replies, unamused.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Eh. I know. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Beverly. Uh, can I help you with something?” Shane asks, feigning innocence.</p><p> </p><p>“I doubt it,” she replies with a look of barely contained outrage. <em> It’s Beverly </em> crosses her long legs. Damn, she’s tall, Shane notices only now after two months of seeing her in some measure.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard that Ryan asked you out,” she continues with a tone that allows no protest.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, what?” Shane mumbles intelligently. What does it mean ‘I heard’? Who goes around gossiping about him and Ryan? But then again, it’s college. People are only <em> slightly </em> more sensible than how they were in high school.</p><p> </p><p>Beverly completely ignores his reaction and her glare turns full-on homicidal. Her attitude is starting to irritate Shane, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>“The two of you are trying to make me look like a fool,” she states, <em> this </em> far from starting to yell at him.</p><p> </p><p>Ah, yes, she wouldn’t want to be known as ‘the girl that makes guys turn gay’ because in her world bisexuals clearly don’t exist. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shane replies because it’s true and because he’s really trying to be the reasonable grown-up between them. At least for now.</p><p> </p><p>The other <em> scoffs </em>and shakes her head, like she can’t believe the fucking nerve on Shane. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe Ryan preferred you to me,” Beverly spits the words with disdain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I can. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wait, what? What does that even mean? </p><p> </p><p>Now Shane has a choice in front of him. He could either swallow his pride, bite on his tongue and ask what the hell that sentence means, or he could be a shit and give Beverly hell for breaking his best friend’s heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Who am I kidding? It’s not even a real choice. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He can always ask Ryan later.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds like a severe case of ‘you reap what you sow’, Kimberly,” he replies with the fakest concerned expression he manages to muster “Besides, <em> you </em> dumped <em> him </em>, in case you’ve forgotten.”</p><p> </p><p>Beverly is left speechless for some second, she probably didn’t expect him to bite back. Once the shock subsides, she slams her fist on the table, seething with rage.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you,” she snarls, “I dumped him because he chose you over me. I thought he would have backpedaled once he saw I was serious about breaking up. Now he takes you out on Valentine’s Day instead?” </p><p> </p><p>There’s a lot to unpack there, Shane might still be in time to change approach and find out what that all means. He only needs to apologize and act nice. <em> There’s a higher purpose here. </em></p><p> </p><p>Beverly smirks like a Disney villain, as if she can smell the hesitation on him, “I hope you realize that is a recycled date. I’d stay hidden inside if I were you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nope. Fuck that.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shane turns in his chair to properly face her, he loses every trace of mocking concern or any other sign that he might still be taunting Beverly in any way. He’s deadly serious while he leans a bit closer, never breaking eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be going out,” he says, voice controlled but sharp as a blade, “We’ll be grossly mushy in front of everyone. It will be the corniest fucking date ever, and we’ll act like disgusting lovebirds.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane takes a moment to assess the shellshocked, slightly intimidated look on the other’s face and grins before the final plunge.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll smooch all evening,” Shane ends, leaning back in his chair and taking a noisy, challenging sip of his coffee, which has turned cold by now. Thank you very much <em> It’s Beverleh. </em></p><p> </p><p>She’s left baffled and speechless, a look of affronted stupor on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Clearly, there has been more that Shane ignored, and to be acting like that is petty. But damn, it feels good to render that freaky lady speechless. Besides, she can go around and call Shane a loser all she wants, but she doesn’t get to break Ryan’s heart AND talk shit about him AND come back to put him through some more misery.</p><p> </p><p>If Ryan is too kind to tell her that much, Shane can do it for him no problem. He can be pretty fucking nasty if that’s the game she’s playing.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to send you the position? So you can come see us having a great time?” Shane adds with an arched brow.</p><p> </p><p>Beverly shakes her head, rage battling with loathing on her face “You disgust me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Likewise. I’m out,” Shane states, “Except, no. I was here first. You go away.”</p><p> </p><p>Beverly gapes at him for some second, clearly at a loss for words or any other reaction, really. She just turns red, then pale and finally gathers her stuff to leave.</p><p> </p><p>If Shane will ever have one moment in his life where he can safely say ‘I win’ this must be it, feeling fucking exhilarated, smug, triumphant that he shut up KimBeverly and told her to leave his table.</p><p> </p><p>His heart is racing and he can feel his face split by a smile. Even his cold coffee tastes like victory while he chugs it down and revels in his moment of glory all on his own. Nothing seems to reach him in his little bubble of fuzzy feelings, he can’t hear the voices around him, he can only hear the Ode to Joy blaring in his mind while ugly ass puttos dance in his field of vision.</p><p> </p><p>But wait.</p><p> </p><p>The music screeches to a halt. The fat puttos stumble all over each other and scramble away.</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck does it mean that Ryan chose Shane over her?</p><p> </p><p>It’s obvious there’s some stuff Ryan hasn’t told him. And now he probably should ask his best friend about all that. And he basically told <em> Bleh </em>-verly that yes, of course he and Ryan are super gay for each other. He might as well have made an announcement via the school’s intercom. </p><p> </p><p>Oh shit. </p><p> </p><p>How long will it take for it to reach Ryan? And not just him singlehandedly outing both of them without even asking the other, but also Shane going around and basically saying ‘Yes, of course we have a date. The most romantic thing ever.’ which equates to lying. </p><p> </p><p>What else? Ah, yes, he just disgraced Ryan’s ex too. </p><p> </p><p>Shane’s headache amps up as if someone had just stabbed him in the eye with an ice pick. </p><p> </p><p>So much for things supposedly working out because he avoided Ryan. What is he going to do now? </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Brain? What will we do? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But the only reply is a high-pitched screech. Like ‘The Thing’ when it is set on fire, equally bloodcurdling and not helpful in the least. </p><p> </p><p>When his phone starts ringing, Shane literally jumps in his chair, his usually deft hands flailing uselessly, juggling with the empty coffee paper cup. It twirls in the air twice before it plummets to the floor and rolls towards freedom.</p><p> </p><p>He fishes his phone from the pocket and pales at the sight of Ryan’s name. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hell no. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The phone gets shoved into Shane’s bag and he literally <em> runs </em>back to his room. He’s having none of that. Even though he knows it’s impossible that whatever just happened already reached Ryan’s ear, he just can’t do that right now. Not when he has a red-hot-poker-stuck-through-his-brain kind of migraine.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s out of there, launching himself into his room. He closes the blinds, mutes his phone after he punches a couple of texts for Katie and for Ryan (‘head hurts, me tired, see you tomorrow’) and crawls under the covers.</p><p> </p><p>And he thought his life was fucked before. What an utter idiot. What a poor, clueless fool.</p><p> </p><p>His shitty sleeping schedule is probably to blame, but Shane literally passes out and sleeps until the next day. It happens too quickly for him to realize it’s one day to go until Valentine’s Day.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>A mild breakdown is probably what Shane actually needed, because the next day he crawls out of bed feeling somewhat at peace. Whether it is because he expelled some pent up emotions or because he placidly accepts his fate by now, he doesn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>But his head isn’t hurting and his fucking brain isn’t on fire anymore. He takes his time to get his shit together and make himself look like a human being again. </p><p> </p><p>His phone is clinging to its last 2% of battery while showing a shitton of calls and texts. Almost all of them from Ryan (aside from one that Katie sent telling him <em> ‘Your notes better be fucking good for you to stand me up like that (:’ </em>which sounds like a veiled threat).</p><p> </p><p>Shane feels immediately bad for disappearing like that, because he apparently worried Ryan like he just fainted in the middle of the cafeteria, a thing that didn’t happen because he already was in his room when he collapsed. </p><p> </p><p>His last text reads <em> ‘Got the janitor to open the door. Checked on u but u were dead to the world. Look at ur dumb face.’  </em></p><p> </p><p>Shane scrolls and finds a photo of him sleeping like a sack of potatoes, hair going in every direction and mouth slack. Is he drooling too? Yikes. </p><p>The next photo is pretty much the same but he has a pencil sticking out from one of his nostrils and Ryan’s thumb-up in a corner. That actually makes him chortle.</p><p> </p><p>He face-palms at his verily dumb face, but knowing that Ryan had gone through all that trouble just to make sure that he was alive and well, makes his heart flutter like a mad parakeet. He smiles to himself like the lovesick fool that he is.</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘Have u kissed this dumb face while I was sleeping?’ </em>he replies, playfully, and is quite surprised when his phone dings only a handful of seconds after.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘What if I did? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jk </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I left emergency supplies in a plastic bag.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Indeed, on his desk, Shane sees a bag with a sticky note pinned on it. </p><p> </p><p><em> ‘Couldn’t find your weird hipster candy bars, I got you Reese’s’ </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Shane catches himself smiling even wider and quietly placing the sticky note in a drawer (yes, for real) before he peeks inside the bag.</p><p> </p><p>There he finds candy bars, a bag of Lay’s, a couple of bottles of soda and an apple. A green quote just to not make either of them feel too guilty, he suspects. It’s a little thing, but the gesture makes him blush and ask himself if he’s falling even more in love with Ryan.</p><p> </p><p>The answer would be ‘Yes’, by the way.</p><p> </p><p>He thanks Ryan with a text, trying to keep it short and not too flustered. He does apologize for his episode, though.</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘It’s cool, man.’ </em> Ryan replies, <em> ‘Wanna talk about it?’ </em></p><p> </p><p>Now, Shane’s goal had been to avoid the other until it won’t be possible anymore, he knows. And he sure as hell doesn’t really want to explain to his best friend he had a mild episode. But he did fuck up yesterday. Besides he owes Ryan that much after he took care of him like that.</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘U bought a ton of stuff. Come around later and help me out.’ </em>he types as a reply.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan sends a bunch of smiley faces and a <em> ‘I’ll be right over’ </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Shane gets something like an hour to steel himself and be ready for the inevitable ‘The fuck is wrong with you?’ that will surely hit him after the stunt he pulled with Beverly. </p><p> </p><p>That’s why, when Ryan walks into his room later that afternoon, Shane is cautious around him, like a gangly gargantuan kicked dog, almost curling on himself and waiting for the backlash. In fact, it never comes. His best friend greets him, waltzes inside his dorm room like it’s his own, and sits at his desk, fishing a candy bar for himself.</p><p> </p><p>“So. What happened, Big Guy? I was worried,” </p><p> </p><p>Ryan is looking up at him, he tries to come across as calm, but his gaze is lined with concern. It seems genuine and directed at his well-being.</p><p> </p><p>Shane shifts on the spot, uneasily scratching at the back of his head, eyes looking everywhere but the other’s eyes while he looks for words that won’t make him sound like an utter dumbass. He’s struggling. </p><p> </p><p>“I, uh. I was having a rough day,” he starts, feeling too exposed standing there in the middle of the room like that. He goes to sit on the edge of his bed and Ryan quietly follows, “And out of the blue she came at me, started talking shit, so I…,” he gestures uselessly with a hand before sighing.</p><p> </p><p>“It was very child-”</p><p> </p><p>“Awesome?” Ryan interrupts.</p><p> </p><p>Shane whips his head to look at the other in such a cartoonish way that if he saw the scene from the outside, he would have probably giggled at the reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s in the wrong here, man. Come on, from what I was told you burnt her good and she kinda asked for it,” Ryan adds with a little, warm smile. It could even come across as proud.</p><p> </p><p>Shane is baffled but is already feeling a whole lot better about it all. Even if it makes his episode look even more like overreacting.</p><p> </p><p>“W-well. I, uh. She went a bit too far.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it sounds like her alright.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a moment of companionable silence and not for the first time, Shane gets the impression that Beverly had been this toxic with Ryan too while they were together, knowing very well he wouldn’t have ever mistreated her and taking advantage of it. Ryan never said anything about it, but he probably tried to… Help her out somewhat?</p><p> </p><p>It wouldn’t be surprising. And he didn’t really put up much resistance when she dumped him, so there’s that. Which reminds Shane…</p><p> </p><p>“She said something,” he mumbles, voice low and eyes shyly searching for Ryan’s expression “Uhm, about you choosing me over her?”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan blushes violently and looks away, shifting in his seat like a kid being scolded. He takes a steadying breath before nodding and looking back up at Shane’s eyes. Now it doesn’t sound as surprising that the two of them are apparently gossiped about. </p><p> </p><p>Shane doesn’t like the notoriety very much, he decides.</p><p> </p><p>“What does it mean?” He asks to not get distracted, he needs to know, “You never told me about this.”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan edges a little bit closer and never breaks eye contact with him, looking deadly serious.</p><p> </p><p>“It means exactly that. She came at me with the ultimatum: it’s me or Shane,” Ryan scoffs and frowns at the memory, “Massive dick move, honestly. Also not much of a choice there.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane almost makes a double take from what he just heard. Ugh, the only thing he’s missing right now are Looney Tunes sound effects, he hates the way his body is reacting to all that. </p><p> </p><p>Feelings. What weird stuff.</p><p> </p><p>“But… She was your girlfriend,” Shane provides weakly.</p><p> </p><p>“Shane, come on. We had just been dating for two months,” he reasons, which makes sense and Shane hates that <em> Ryan </em> is the one talking sense into him. Then again, he really doesn’t. If there has to be someone doing so, he wouldn’t want anyone else but the other.</p><p> </p><p>“But even if it had been longer, there was no way I could have given you up.” Ryan adds, leaning gently against his side, not looking up at him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Shane peeks at him and his already racing heart speeds up even more while he’s forced to notice just how perfectly Ryan fits there. If Shane was to sneak an arm around his shoulders, the other would perfectly fall against him, safely tucked there.</p><p> </p><p>Those words also aren’t helping and Shane wishes he could be confident enough to just reply by kissing Ryan. But what if he means them in a different context? </p><p> </p><p>They are best friends, it really isn’t that strange to tell your best friend ‘<em> I will always pick you over this insane lady I had been dating for a bunch of days’.  </em></p><p> </p><p>He’s once again stuck into that limbo of guessing and wondering. </p><p> </p><p>The truth is, Shane can’t really escape it as long as he doesn’t know what <em> he </em>wants. The thought of daring to ask for more, to get feelings in the way of their friendship, scares him shitless. There’s so much at stake. Things would be bound to change between them and losing his best friend…</p><p> </p><p>Shane is distracted from his own thoughts by Ryan giving him a gentle shove.</p><p> </p><p>“If things get overwhelming like that… You only needed to ask me, Big Guy,” he says and there’s a hint of hurt in his gaze. It ripples through Shane like he has just been electrocuted.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I never meant to worry you like this,” he admits because it’s true. He hoped his episode would have never concerned Ryan, that his text would have been enough to calm him down. Yeah, it sounded smarter yesterday, okay?</p><p> </p><p>Ryan sighs and finally cracks him one of his blinding smiles, “You need to stop overthinking everything,” he says with the most affectionate voice, “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t feel like it, just… Don’t shut me out like I wouldn’t notice something’s wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>If all that keeps up, Shane will melt into a puddle. What has he ever done to be loved that much by the Little Guy? He’s evermore baffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” he manages to reply, swallowing against the knot in his throat, “Wouldn’t have fooled you,” Shane smiles as well.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan beams at the sight and pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, forcing Shane to hunch and to bury his face against the other’s neck. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ryan smells so nice. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shane gives up and winds his own arms around Ryan’s shoulders, closing his eyes and enjoying every second of it, breathing his scent in and barely resisting the temptation to pull him closer. Pull him in his lap. </p><p> </p><p>And the way Ryan relaxes, how he melts and lets himself be pulled and caged into it… Like he had been just as tense until then.</p><p> </p><p>When they pull apart it’s unhurried, reveling into every moment of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Shane whispers, putting as much sentiment into it as he can.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t mention it,” Ryan replies, a smile still dancing on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“So, uh. Tomorrow evening… Around eight, right?” Shane asks, feeling like a dumbass. Especially when he considers he was desperately looking for a way out all day yesterday. But he had been a raging fool, after all, and made a big fuss about it on his own. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan is basically lighting up the room with how happy he is right now, his eyes widen and he chuckles, out of sheer joy, “You still up for tomorrow? Yes, uh. Around eight.”</p><p> </p><p>The other seems about to pull Shane into another hug, which would be the opposite of a problem, but instead, he stands up and giggles some more, like he can’t contain the excitement.</p><p> </p><p>Shane wonders if that could be a good time to ask what he is supposed to expect the next day, but he was just taught an important lesson about not overthinking. He’s making a simple thing far too complicated. It’s just the two of them, spending time together in the safe little bubble they can conjure around them. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re taking me to your place? What will people think?” Shane jokes, finally making peace with himself, there’s nothing to worry about. Not between them.</p><p> </p><p>They usually go to Ryan’s anyway, his room is bigger.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan’s smile turns into a playful smirk, “I’m a gentleman, I’ll ‘dine and wine’ you first.” </p><p> </p><p>He then gets ready to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Shane chuckles, he said they would be out all night to Blehverly, after all. </p><p> </p><p>It will be nothing fancy, surely. Nothing like a date. And it’s fine, really.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Ryan adds while he’s almost out the door, “And put on a nice shirt, okay? Like, real smart,” he ponders briefly and finally ends, “Maybe the pink one.”</p><p> </p><p>And then he’s out.</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck?</p><p> </p><p>What. The. Actual. Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It will be a date. Was it supposed to be a date right from the start? IS IT OKAY TO PANIC NOW? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>So much for having made peace with himself. Don’t even get Shane started on how the fuck Ryan knows Shane’s clothes well enough to pick a shirt by memory.</p><p> </p><p>And now he has no time left to process any of it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Well played. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>No more days left until Valentine's Day. </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>So. ‘No need to worry’ was a steaming pile of bullshit. Overreacting was, in fact, just reacting, because Shane had been right all along: that IS a date. Well, actually, he thought they could never be going on a date, so he had been pretty fucking wrong…</p><p> </p><p>He’s confusing himself, Jesus!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Brain, you are officially the number one on my blacklist. I thought we were friends. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But Brain isn’t replying because Ryan has taken Shane to a <em> restaurant. </em>Like, proper fancy, little candlelit tables, gourmet food and wine restaurant. </p><p> </p><p>And he’s looking far too handsome right now, the dim lights make his beautiful face stand out even more, his white shirt fits tightly and pulls nicely on his arms and chest, the warm candlelight dances in his dark, beautiful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Shane should switch wine for water because his mouth is dry and if he keeps taking sips he’ll end up tipsy. And tipsy-him says a lot of unfiltered shit. </p><p> </p><p>Even when he realized Ryan really intended to take him out on a date, he never could have imagined something as romantic as that. There’s even a little orchestra. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan opened the car door for him earlier, for fuck’s sake. He’s being full-on wooed.</p><p> </p><p>Could it be that he <em> had </em> been the main character of the shitty rom-com all along?</p><p> </p><p>“You with me, Big Guy?” Ryan asks from the other side of the (tiny!) table. He has barely ever taken his eyes off Shane and his smile is this warm, flirty smirk that is turning his bones to jelly.</p><p> </p><p>“I must be,” he replies with a chuckle, “I’m still not fully convinced that this is real life, but here we are.”</p><p> </p><p>Time to be honest with himself, probably.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan blushes softly and nods, “You tell me,” he chuckles as well, like he can’t quite believe he managed to have all that. </p><p> </p><p>Shane is left wondering if the himbo act has been a trick. Ryan already fooled him into going on a date <em> on Valentine’s Day. </em>He’s starting to think that the other is actually a fucking mastermind.</p><p> </p><p>“Ry, I just gotta know… What does this all mean?” Shane asks, and he’s done with being subtle or kicking around the bush, “Is this just… A way to cope with your breakup?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Couldn’t you be a bit blunter, Madej? For fuck’s sake. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Anyone would be offended by that kind of question. Especially when you are dining together in a restaurant that will probably drain all their savings because they’re college students. It’s hard to be poorer than that.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Ryan is unfazed. He knows Shane so well that he read his exact intentions, “No. The breakup didn’t leave me heart-broken. Not in the way you might imagine,” Ryan admits, “It did help me understand what really matters and what I really want, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“In which way were you heart-broken, then?” Shane needs to know, because Ryan wasn’t pretending that day.</p><p> </p><p>“I realized I wasted so much time and energy for someone that wasn’t…” Ryan sighs and looks for the right words, “Wasn’t the one I loved. And she probably wasn’t even worth all the effort I put into the relationship,” </p><p> </p><p>“She totally wasn’t,” Shane punctuates with brutal honesty.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan flushes red and chuckles, his eyes sparkling with fondness and something deep, almost dark that Shane can’t place.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I also was unfair,” Ryan continues, “Getting together with her while having feelings for someone else. But that ‘someone’ seemed unreachable, so I thought I could make things work.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane can’t imagine anyone could be unattainable if Ryan Steven Bergara asked them. </p><p> </p><p>He’s not voicing that thought, though.</p><p> </p><p>“Even if you say so, she was bad news, man. It was better this way,” Shane states, “Besides, you don’t have to worry. I’m sure that if you made a move on ‘that someone’ you… Eh. You surely would succeed,”</p><p> </p><p>His words are laced with bittersweet feelings, but he just wants Ryan to be happy after all, right? Shane is already having more than he could ever ask for and his best friend is filled with so much love to give, he only has to realize just how precious he actually is. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan takes a long, quiet look at him. Warmth and fondness are pushed aside by something sharp, determined. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” he declares and moves to take Shane’s hand in his, never breaking eye-contact and forcing Shane to do the same. He tangles their fingers together. </p><p> </p><p>“Shane Alexander Madej,” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What the fuck is going on? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be my boyfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>Shane is speechless. His first reaction is to look for any hint that Ryan is joking or being a tease, but the hold on his hand tightens lightly and he realizes the other is shaking.</p><p> </p><p>As much as Ryan looks determined, his eyes are slightly glassy, like he’s tearing up.</p><p> </p><p>He’s fucking serious.</p><p> </p><p>Shane exhales a breath he never realized he was holding in, “Holy crap,” he squeaks, “I can’t believe all this… I… Yes,” he laughs, completely flushed and giddy, “Yes, Ry.” <br/><br/>He just can’t stop giggling before he adds, “That’s not how it usually works, but… We’re weird, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“We are. And that’s what makes us perfect together?” Ryan replies, sending a whole swarm of butterflies fluttering in Shane’s stomach.</p><p> </p><p>They are both laughing softly now, liberating. All the tension melting away and leaving their bodies. All the doubts, all the heartache. All the years-long pining and longing, already feels so far away, replaced by the warmest feeling in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He recognizes it as the painful hold that had been wound tight around his heart and lungs, threatening to crush his ribcage from the inside. And yet, it now envelops his insides like a gentle, protective touch.</p><p> </p><p>“It is true, then,” Shane muses, “Blehverly makes guys turn gay,”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan wheezes with laughter, “Shut up, Shane. I was already wondering about my sexuality long before meeting her,” he admits, “It’s actually you that had me go ‘I think I can play for both teams’. Take responsibility.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s eyes go wide, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You heard me, baby. Don’t tell me you never noticed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Shane asks, a bit affronted.</p><p> </p><p>“Wanted to make things clear to myself first. Besides, when I asked you if I should have dated Bev you told me to go for it, so I figured that maybe I was seeing things where there were none,” Ryan explains, practical.</p><p> </p><p>Shane feels like the dumbest dumb to ever dumb in existence. </p><p> </p><p>“I thought that... I thought I was saying what you wanted to hear,” he mumbles, “Oh god I just took for granted that you could never like me that way. I could have spared us both so much heartache”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan shakes his head, “Shut up, it’s not your fault. I could have been... bolder about my feelings. I always try to be braver than I was yesterday and then chicken out on the most important thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you were bi-panicking all on your own,” Shane says, halfway between joking and admitting to doing so himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Who says I was panicking?” Ryan replies with a smug, sexy smirk. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Frat boy himbo my ass. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, Shane, I’m a big boy already. All this mess taught me it’s about time I stop seeking what seems normal or convenient, and actually pursue what I really want and need. And that’s you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, Ry… You suave motherfucker,” he comments breathlessly. </p><p> </p><p>Shane wants to kiss Ryan very much. And he would have already done so if the fucking table wasn’t in the way. He resigns himself to lovingly rub his thumb on the back of Ryan’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>As if they just had the exact same thought, Ryan bites on his lower lip, eyes moving between Shane’s gaze and his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Shane swallows at the sight. Now that he realizes it, being on the receiving end of Ryan’s flirting is… challenging. Because he slays it, he’s relentless and even during the most innocent exchanges, there is always the hint, the allusion at something more.</p><p> </p><p>To be flirted with by Ryan when he really means it is a damn onslaught. Shane can only be hit by its full force like a reef against the crashing waves, slowly eroding beneath the intensity of it.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, he will cave in alright, just let them be fairly alone.</p><p> </p><p>His best friend can be one teasing brat when he wants to and apparently that transfers over to dating. </p><p> </p><p>That extra edge makes Ryan’s smile brighter, his gaze fonder, his hold around his own hand softer. They barely let go all through the dinner, never parting their entangled fingers if not when strictly necessary. Admittedly, Shane risks squeezing too tight a couple of times, especially when Ryan shamelessly licks whipped cream from the cherry on the top of his dessert, gives it a nice swipe and pops it in his mouth. Looking Shane in the eyes all the while. </p><p> </p><p>And yet, even that is lined with amusement and unadulterated fondness.</p><p> </p><p>It’s so blissful, Shane almost forgets everything around them. That’s why, when they are done with the dessert (he doesn’t get a heart attack, surprisingly), he remembers there’s an orchestra playing only when Ryan asks him, “Shall we dance?”</p><p> </p><p>He even pulls Shane’s hand to his lips and kisses the back of it, his lips curling into a loving smile against his skin.</p><p> </p><p>There is no way he would say no.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, Shane is standing quicker than he can even think <em> ‘Fuck yeah’. </em></p><p> </p><p>Ryan chuckles at his swift reaction and lets himself be pulled along to the dance floor, a wide space to the side, far enough from the tables that patrons or waiters won’t be bothered by it and dancers aren’t under everyone’s eyes. The floor is fairly busy, but they find a spot all to themselves.</p><p> </p><p>Shane smiles happily to his… boyfriend. <em> Ah, it has a ring to it, doesn’t it? </em></p><p> </p><p>He pulls the other closer and Ryan blushes immediately, but goes willingly, the hand that isn’t tangled with Shane’s caresses its way across his chest to grab on his shoulder. Ryan smiles almost coyly, looking up at him through his dark lashes.</p><p> </p><p>“I never danced,” he whispers, “But I bet you got some moves in those endless legs of yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Shane wouldn’t call it ‘dancing’, but he does know how to move to music, he learnt some in high school. Drama club, of course. He has never been so grateful for taking it.</p><p> </p><p>Shane gently sneaks his arm around Ryan’s waist, pulling him closer still. It’s time to return the favor for his endless teasing during their dinner.</p><p> </p><p>“Follow my lead,” he whispers in his ear, voice low and raspy that makes Ryan shiver against him.</p><p> </p><p>They take some steps, falling into the rhythm of the music, something classy that sounds like Swing, not too quick. At first they are focused on getting the hang of it, but soon enough they dare to spin around with confidence.</p><p> </p><p>Shane pulls Ryan along and is glad to notice that the other is much surer already, so they can look into each other’s eyes while they spin or swipe in the space they made their own. Their chests brushing against each other.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a quick learner,” Shane comments, lips grazing the other’s ear lightly.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan leans closer, his hand sliding higher up on Shane’s shoulder until his fingers curl around his nape, comb through the soft brown hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold that thought,” Ryan whispers in reply and nuzzles softly to his neck, sending shivers along Shane’s spine. He decides that it’s only fair that he does the same, lips ghosting along the other’s pulse while he breathes in the scent of his cologne. Ryan fits perfectly beneath his chin and it’s adorable.</p><p> </p><p>The music slows down and they quietly inch closer, their stance almost turning into an embrace, they shift to be able to look at each other and their lips hang so close they feel the heat of each other’s breath.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not yet. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>With the next reprise, Shane makes Ryan spin in place and takes him back in his arms nimbly, pulls him along in a wide, graceful swipe and waits for the finale to dip him. Despite the initial surprise, Ryan trusts him so much that he goes along with abandon.</p><p> </p><p>Shane watches mesmerized by the perfect curve of his chest and neck, revels in the feeling of him allowing himself to be handled. He then pulls him back up and they are standing against one another, bodies flush, one of Shane’s long legs is between Ryan’s own. </p><p> </p><p>They look at each other. The air is electric while they quietly inch closer, like yielding to a natural force. A tidal wave. A gravitational pull. It acts on them, gentle but irresistible, until their lips meet and collide in the softest touch.</p><p> </p><p>It is chaste enough, slow, while they taste each other. They let out a quiet little sound, breath hitching in their throats. Ryan all but clings to him, bends under Shane’s height, and still follows his lead as if the kiss was another dance move. </p><p> </p><p>When they pull back their breaths are labored, their pupils are blown wide and their arms are wound tight around one another. </p><p> </p><p>Shane can feel his heart race madly in his chest, now that the music has stopped the pulse sounds deafening in his ears while he can barely take his eyes away from Ryan’s face, how flushed it is and how perfect his lips look. Now that he knows the taste of them he feels like he can’t ever go back.</p><p> </p><p>The hand that is splayed on Ryan’s back, between his shoulder blades, crawls up along his spine, climbs to tangle its fingers in his hair and lovingly pulls him close to rest their foreheads together.</p><p> </p><p>“Ry,” he whispers, barely an inch between their mouths, “We either find a secluded corner or I will drag you to the toilets,”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan exhales a shuddering breath and whines softly at his words, “Let’s go. My place. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>“The bill…?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is taken care of. Come on, Big Guy.” </p><p> </p><p>Like that they are stumbling outside, clinging to one another, stopping from time to time when one or both of them, too high on love and happiness, pushes against the other and kisses him again and again. They can’t seem to go for more than five steps without stopping to lick in each other’s mouth, letting out weak whimpers and soft laughs every time.</p><p> </p><p>When they get to the car, Shane finds himself with a handful of Ryan all over him, almost climbing over into his lap. The kisses they are exchanging now are anything but chaste, being far from anyone else. They turn needy and filthy and Ryan moans impatiently in his mouth when he realizes he’ll have to <em> drive </em>to get them home. Which means no making out until they get there.</p><p> </p><p>It makes Shane laugh to see the other pull back with a scoff, begrudgingly igniting the car and literally stomping on the gas. He watches with a fond smile his impatient little guy. Even though he’s not happy either when Ryan moves away from him and the warmth of his body follows him, as if a black, stormy cloud hid the sun. It makes him shiver.</p><p> </p><p>The drive back is fast and yet feels like an eternity before they are on one another again, Shane pressing Ryan against the hallway wall, kissing and biting at his sweet, full lips, his jaw, along his neck.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them seems to care that anyone in the frat house could come walking down the corridor. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan pushes Shane and reverses their positions, hands fisting on his shirt as if they are itching to take the offending cloth away, he mouths his way along Shane’s long neck and lower to kiss paths along his clavicles. He chuckles breathlessly and takes his time to suck a mark there.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, the little brat.</p><p> </p><p>Shane moves to switch again. He crowds Ryan against the door to his room, his big hands pull the other’s shirt out of his pants and then slip beneath to touch hot, smooth skin. His greedy mouth is on his neck, licking and kissing along his pulse point. He nibbles on an earlobe and smirks when he forces helpless moans from him.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan fishes out his keys and opens the door blindly, but he doesn’t care when he can finally pull Shane inside without taking his hands or mouth off of him. They almost tumble down right there. </p><p> </p><p>They bump into the chair while they kiss and pull at their clothes, getting off nothing more than their jackets. Their lips are getting numb from all the insistent kissing and making out and they are probably getting nowhere right now.</p><p> </p><p>Shane gracelessly falls on the bed in a heap of gangly limbs while he’s trying to take Ryan along with him, but he’s more coordinated and manages to stay upright, even though he’s a panting, flustered mess.</p><p> </p><p>They look at each other, all wide-eyed and disheveled. It causes them to burst into another fit of laughter. They are ridiculous. After waiting so long they can’t even properly get to it now?</p><p> </p><p>Ryan sucks a steadying breath and forces himself to find some control back. He reaches to switch on the bedside lamp while Shane sits up.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” he starts and looks between the two of them, he gestures with a hand “We should probably, uh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, right,” Ryan agrees and giggles again. They are high as fuck, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>Shane offers his hand to his best friend-turned-boyfriend. How stupid of him to think they couldn’t have both. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan accepts and steps closer to stand between Shane’s legs, while Shane’s still sitting on the bed. Shane starts to gently unmake the buttons on his nice shirt, eyes glued to every patch of skin that gets revealed. It’s not like that’s the first time they would see each other without clothes on, but now they are allowed to stare, touch and taste.</p><p> </p><p>The urgency seems to have left them. They seem hellbent on enjoying every moment of this and commit it to memory.</p><p> </p><p>“I still can’t believe that we’re… That all this time you wanted me just as much as I wanted you,” Shane muses while his slightly trembling hands push the shirt off of Ryan’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“You better get used to it, then,” Ryan replies and starts on the other’s buttons as well while he places little, happy kisses over Shane’s head, “ehi, what’s the moment when we got kinda screwed, kinda obsessed with one another? On three.”</p><p> </p><p>Yes, it must be the same for them both. </p><p> </p><p>On the count of three they both say at the same time, “The ‘cinema’ moment, first year.”</p><p> </p><p>Of course, they both start giggling again like grade-schoolers. </p><p> </p><p>How to forget the usual cringe-inducing introduction they had been forced to do in the first year, when among their hobbies they both went ‘The cinema’ instead of something like ‘watching movies’.</p><p> </p><p>That had been the moment they noticed one another. </p><p> </p><p>Shane can’t help himself, he curls his hands around Ryan’s face and pulls him into an affectionate kiss, smiling into it while the other rakes his fingers through his hair, along his nape, down his chest. His hands push the now open shirt to fall from Shane’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>They pull back to be able to take it off all the way and now they both take their time to let their eyes wander across the smooth planes of naked skin.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s mouth waters while he takes into the lines of Ryan’s muscles, his dark skin, his perked nipples. Both his hands press lightly on his chest, run lower to map his toned stomach and abdomen, they skim along his sides and trace the lines of his narrow hips. </p><p> </p><p>His fingers hesitantly fumble with the other’s belt, then the zip on his pants. Ryan joins to help him with it before he takes a little step back to take all his clothes out of the way. He quickly resumes his place, though, now that he’s gloriously naked and guiding Shane’s hands back on his body, as if encouraging him.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s fingers press into the muscles of his thighs and behind. Ryan’s breath hitches in his throat and he quietly moves to kneel on the floor between his legs.</p><p> </p><p>Shane almost gets a heart attack seeing him there, his mind conjuring images of that same moment from his own fantasies. He looks down at Ryan’s determined gaze, kiss swollen lips disclosed while he reaches for his belt and pants. No fantasy could compare to this, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, wait, have you ever… I mean,” Shane tries.</p><p> </p><p>The other blushes but smirks, “I practiced,” he replies and then adds, “W-with a toy… not a dude,” in a hurry.</p><p> </p><p>Yup, that’s almost another heart attack right there.</p><p> </p><p>When Ryan finally succeeds at working Shane’s pants open, he slips one hand right inside his underwear while he resumes hungrily devouring his mouth. He whines into their filthy kisses and pulls back to take a good look at what he just fondled.</p><p> </p><p>He widens his eyes and whistles, impressed. Which makes Shane blush madly and clear his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Big Guy,” Ryan chuckles, “a name a guarantee.” </p><p> </p><p>“Ryan please…”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean it! It’s… Impressive,” Ryan huffs another soft laugh and gives Shane’s lips one more little, reassuring kiss. The hand that has freed Shane’s member is now slowly stroking it in its whole length while he bites on his lower lip, “I see now what took you so long to realize my intentions.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane moans shakily, his hands clawing on Ryan’s biceps to keep himself steady through the slow torture of that exploring hand, “W-wha…?” he mumbles in a daze.</p><p> </p><p>“Your brain and your dick are too big, they conflict with each other,” the other states like it’s obvious. </p><p> </p><p>That causes Shane to chuckle breathlessly, but it soon turns into another desperate moan while Ryan strokes him with more purpose, his other hand reaching down to give a slow, teasing stroke to his own cock.</p><p> </p><p>The sight he’s making is already turning Shane antsy, he wants to touch more, put his hands all over his skin, wants to know how he feels. Needs to prove just how much he loves Ryan, because his words will never be enough and he’s just a confusing mess with emotions.</p><p> </p><p>But his heart is roaring with the need to tell him somehow. That’s how he is, things need proof to be real and he <em> needs </em>to show evidence. More than anything, he wants Ryan to know his love is there, is real and is his.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan is watching him intently, like he’s somehow reading right through him, and slowly steals his breath away with another deep kiss. One that ends far too quickly, in Shane’s opinion, but whatever weak protest he had been about to make dies in his throat as soon as Ryan slides lower. His hot lips latch onto the side of Shane’s cock, nibbling teasingly.</p><p> </p><p>He then moves to lick the whole length, eyes shooting up to look straight into Shane’s. A corner of Ryan’s mouth curls slightly up as he makes sure to have his whole attention.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan’s lips disclose and he slowly swallows it, going down until he can’t go further. He exhales from his nose and hollows his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s hands take fistfuls of black curls, tugging lightly to not hurt him, but at a loss if they’d rather stop him or ask for more, his eyes follow how Ryan’s mouth is stretched open around his shaft, spit slicked lips pink and perfect, his hot tongue dragging along the underside on his way back.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan pulls off with an excited exhale, looking up at him like he’s searching for his reactions. Shane is panting and returns the gaze with affection, one hand moves to caress the other’s beautiful face, thumb tracing his slick lower lip. His fingers curl around Ryan’s nape and he gently guides him closer, as if granting permission.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan literally beams up at him before resuming, trying to take more of his cock this time. Of course, he would think of it as a challenge. </p><p> </p><p>Shane groans helplessly, heat flooding his whole body.</p><p> </p><p>“F-fuck, Ry,” he whispers, voice already wrecked. It’s almost too much, to be loved by Ryan, to see that side of him he never knew before and now to have him taking him in his mouth like that… The thought that he practiced for this. Jesus Christ, that’s so hot.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s whole body trembles from the strain to keep from fucking up into the hot wetness tightening around him. To also be looked at like he’s the single best thing in Ryan’s life while they do all that, threatens to be what tips him over definitively.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan is relentless though, taking him in his mouth and applying enough pressure to force incoherent sounds from Shane, a hand working the base of his cock and even though that’s supposed to be the first time he does something like that, his eagerness fills in for the lack of experience. The foundations for talent are already there, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>They could become dangerously addicted to blow jobs. Especially when Ryan pulls back only to tease and lick along his shaft with a wicked little smile, glassy hooded eyes looking up at him while he presses the tip of his tongue against the slit and licks at his precome.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you close, Big Guy?” he pants, words ghosting all over Shane’s sensitive skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, baby,” he replies breathlessly. </p><p> </p><p>That’s exactly what Ryan wanted to hear apparently, because he takes him back in his mouth and now moves with purpose, bobbing his head and focusing on breathing steadily through it, hellbent on finishing him like that.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Shane could have had the strength to stop him, considering how all his blood rushed down to his dick and he’s now moaning steadily, hips hitching softly while tingly heat pools in his belly, his muscles tensing more and more.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally comes, shooting in the other’s mouth, he curls in over himself, as if pulling Ryan into some kind of hug, arms locked around his shoulders and neck, trying to steady both of them through the trembling aftermath of his orgasm. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan pulls back, trying to swallow even though some of the mess Shane just made dribbles down his chin. Such commitment, even though it’s his first time with a man. </p><p> </p><p>He wipes his mouth with the back of the hand and Shane pulls him into a deep, loving kiss, moved by the almost childish disappointment for not succeeding at the first try. He tastes himself on Ryan’s tongue and moans into it.</p><p> </p><p>“Want you,” Ryan mumbles between kisses while he pushes gently on his chest, trying to make Shane lie in bed. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, fuck. Okay, baby, I got you,” Shane replies, hurriedly taking off his remaining clothes, until he’s naked and scrambling into bed with an equally naked Ryan. An equally naked Ryan that can’t stop kissing and touching him all over.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you, uh. Do you want to…” he tries to ask against the other’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Shane, come on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit. How do you want to…” </p><p> </p><p>If anything, Shane is proving Ryan right about not being able to divide his attention between his brain and his dick, what with all the mumbled half questions?</p><p> </p><p>Ryan laughs in excited amusement, shifting to comfortably lay on his back. He reaches for the nightstand drawer and pulls out lube and condoms. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck me with your big thing,” he says, far too calm about it, while he tosses the supplies over.</p><p> </p><p>Shane almost chokes on air, hands clumsily juggling with the bottle. It gives him deja vu to the cafeteria episode and <em> ew no, get that memory out of here </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Isn’t he supposed to be the one that knows what he’s doing? In some measure?</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he dated a couple of guys, but none of them were Ryan, best friend and crush since forever. Who apparently enjoys dirty talk even in the face of losing his anal virginity.</p><p> </p><p>“And here I thought you’d be all nervous. Maybe even frightened,” Shane muses with a little proud smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“I am nervous,” Ryan chuckles and spreads his legs, offering himself to his eyes, “but as long as that dick isn’t a ghost, I’m good.”  </p><p> </p><p>They exchange a little chuckle and a look of knowing fondness.</p><p> </p><p>But there’s no way Shane won’t put his mouth all over Ryan before they move on, when he makes such a sinful sight. He crawls up the other’s body and starts kissing and nibbling on his neck, curious fingers finding their way to his chest and nipples. As soon as he grazes them Ryan moans and pushes against his touch, demanding more.</p><p> </p><p>Shane concedes, giving his nipples a firm pinch that has Ryan whining and squirming under him.</p><p> </p><p>“You are very sensitive,” Shane states, lips dragging across hot skin, along dips and lines of muscles. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan can’t respond, too busy hissing at the relentless teasing that sends sparks of pleasure across his nerves.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, babe, I love seeing you squirm.”</p><p> </p><p>“S-shut up, Shane,” Ryan moans even if he arches his back to offer more skin, betraying just how much he enjoys his attention.</p><p> </p><p>And shut up Shane does, putting his mouth to good use by mapping the quivering planes of Ryan’s skin, getting lost in every little sound he’s able to squeeze from him. Delicious moans when he nibbles on his nipples, low little groans when he sucks marks on his neck and collarbones, broken half curses when he follows the gentle dips of his abs with his lips and tongue.</p><p> </p><p>He slides low and lower still until he gets to focus on the other’s leaking cock, peppering gentle nips and kisses all over it, just like he did everywhere else. Ryan moans loudly and buries one hand in Shane’s hair to caress his head. Shane expected Ryan to pull or tug.</p><p> </p><p>Shane looks up at the panting, excited mess he’s making of Ryan, takes his time to commend to memory every little detail… golden skin shining with sweat, chest heaving, cheeks burning red, legs spread and an arm bent over his head, his muscles taut with the strain of keeping from throwing himself at Shane.</p><p> </p><p>How many times had Shane pictured something like that in those nights when the yearning wouldn’t let him sleep? When he imagined how could it possibly be to share a bed, a life, a heart with Ryan?</p><p> </p><p>Now here they are and Shane’s mind staggers from it all. </p><p> </p><p>“S-Shane, please,” Ryan whines, “Don’t wanna come like this.”</p><p> </p><p>If they’ll be together in the years to come, Shane will meet an untimely and sudden end because his boyfriend says these fucking things during sex.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he croaks, “Fuck, okay.” </p><p> </p><p>Shane’s hands grope around for the bottle of lube, since his eyes won’t leave Ryan’s flushed, smiling face. They stay there while he slicks his own fingers, while he edges a bit closer to him and also while he places a loving, open-mouthed kiss to the other’s inner thigh.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, but Shane does watch while his tentative finger draws a path on Ryan’s skin, brushing past his perineum to massage the tight ring of muscles, gently coaxing its way past it and slowly plunging.</p><p> </p><p>Shane flicks his eyes up to study Ryan’s expression: he’s focused on the sensation, biting on his bottom lip, but he doesn’t seem in discomfort or pain. </p><p> </p><p>Shane pushes on, gently pulling his finger out and then back in. He swallows audibly, completely engrossed in his work. When he withdraws again, he pours more lube and dares to go in with two fingers this time.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan hisses and spreads his legs a bit more, “Keep going,” he breathes, before Shane can start fussing over his reaction, “‘s good. I was rougher on myself.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s another syncope right there for Shane, “Jesus… Ryan,” he sputters. He’s breathless, mind already providing him with the sinful image of the other on his knees, fingering himself on that very bed while thinking of Shane, calling his name with a broken voice.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan smirks like he read right through him, the little brat, “It feels better w-when you do it,” he pants, eyes fluttering closed when Shane tries to scissor and spread his fingers against the tight heat enveloping them.</p><p> </p><p>“How does it feel like this?” he asks in a whisper, burning in his mind every reaction and data he’s collecting right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Good… I like the stretch,” the other admits, a soft blush spreading across his face, neck, and chest.</p><p> </p><p>“You think you can take three?” </p><p> </p><p>“Bring it on, Big Guy.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Will fucking do. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shane pours some more lube all over his hand, he’s probably overdoing it a bit? He doesn’t care, if he were to cause Ryan even the slightest discomfort he won’t forgive himself. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan must find the thing somewhat amusing because he’s smiling fondly at him. It’s like a warm ray of sunshine cutting through the clouds and reaching Shane, melting away some of his tension. </p><p> </p><p>Ryan always does that: shines his gentle light on him, thawing his feelings and making him gleam in return, like what the sun does with the moon.</p><p> </p><p>Shane shakes himself from his own thoughts and resumes what he was doing after exchanging a look with Ryan, almost making sure that he’s still fine with it. He presses three of his fingers to the other’s opening and after the first slight resistance, they slip in easily enough. </p><p> </p><p>The sight of Ryan writhing and throwing his head to the side, trying to muffle a shaky moan, is probably the most beautiful Shane’s ever witnessed. </p><p> </p><p>He’s mesmerized while his fingers keep working diligently, disjointed from his mind that won’t pull away from Ryan’s reactions and sounds. Thankfully, he’s good at multitasking, so his eyes can widen and take in every detail while his hand works the other open, slicking up his insides while it relentlessly stretches and explores. It only stops when it finds the spot that has Ryan arching and biting on a loud moan.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s hand stops, but he doesn’t pull his fingers out yet. He stays until Ryan’s insides unclench and he is free from the tight hold. Just the tactile sensation is enough to leave him completely awed.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan blushes even more under his unflinching gaze, but does nothing to shy away from it, offering his whole body, his dazed expression, his messy hair.</p><p> </p><p>“C-come on,” he pants, “I’m good, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane moves to properly kneel between Ryan’s spread legs, his hands caress soothing paths along the other’s thighs, kneading the muscles while he positions himself. The head of his cock presses against the slick opening, he guides it and pushes in, evermore gently.</p><p> </p><p>His hands tremble and his whole body is locked to make sure he doesn’t go too rough.</p><p> </p><p>“F-fuck,” Ryan’s voice is punched out of him while his body is slowly split open, his eyes flutter close, his hands fist the sheets above his head. A shuddering exhale leaving his mouth with every inch.</p><p> </p><p>Shane can’t make much more sense, whatever shred of sanity he’s left with is used to keep control of his movements. The only thing his body wants is to rut urgently against Ryan and fuck him through the mattress right now.</p><p> </p><p>Oh but the gorgeous way he’s taking him all the way, so focused on keeping his body relaxed while his limbs tremble and tense up from the raw sensation…</p><p> </p><p>Raw? </p><p> </p><p>Fuck. Shane forgot to put the condom on. He stops in his tracks and whines at the mere thought of pulling out.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan opens his eyes and <em> glares </em>at him, “Why have you stopped?” he asks breathlessly.</p><p> </p><p>“I forgot the condom,” Shane replies, wrecked, but trying to gather some dignity. He reaches a hand to grab for them.</p><p> </p><p>His boyfriend grabs on his wrist, “Leave it,” he hooks one leg around his hips to keep Shane in place, “If you even d-dare to pull out now…” he doesn’t end the sentence, but the meaning gets across perfectly well.</p><p> </p><p>Shane would like to protest, be the responsible grown-up between the two of them… But the idea of going back right now is killing him a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Shane,” Ryan calls him and tangles their hands together to better catch his attention, “I’m clean… I’m pretty sure you’re too.”</p><p> </p><p>Shane would like to offer a sensible reply. He can’t though. So, instead, he bows down to kiss Ryan, licks in his mouth wet and sloppy until they are both breathless. Only then does he push all the way, until he’s bottoming out.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan breaks from the kiss to call Shane’s name again. It turns into a broken moan.</p><p> </p><p>Shane sits up and revels in the wrecked state he made of Ryan. He smirks and it probably comes across as fucked out, but he doesn’t care. He’s so blissed out of his mind right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Good boy,” he comments, sounding more sweet than naughty, “If only you could see yourself right now, Ry…”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan’s reply is a throaty groan.</p><p> </p><p>Shane guides their tangled hands down, invites the other to <em> touch </em>where their bodies connect.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan gasps at the sensation, looks up into Shane’s eyes, his other hand scrambles to pull him down into more kisses.</p><p> </p><p>Shane complies willingly while his hips hitch gently, Ryan’s hand still there to feel the way his cock is stretching him.</p><p> </p><p>“Your greedy hole is sucking me in,” Shane whispers in the other’s ear, a sudden boost of confidence sweeping over him.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan moans in such a filthy way, they must be keeping the guy next door awake.</p><p> </p><p>“Shane, fuck… You-” he scrambles for words and clings to Shane, sneaking the arms around his neck, back arching as he tries to push back into it, take <em> more </em>of him… Clearly enjoying Shane’s assertiveness, “Raw me,” he orders.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Shane needs to be asked twice. His hands move to grab at Ryan’s thighs, they claw their way up until he’s holding him under his knees, keeping him spread and still. His hips pull back almost all the way only to crash back into him.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan tries to keep down the sounds he’s letting out, but he can’t make a good job of it.</p><p> </p><p>And Shane is living for the sounds the other is making, or the way his body is getting hot and loose with pleasure, or the sensation of his insides quivering and enveloping him.</p><p> </p><p>“I-is it as you imagined it?” Ryan asks, hot, moist lips tracing Shane’s neck all the way up to whisper directly in his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Far better… Ry, you feel s-so good,” he replies, helplessly.</p><p> </p><p>He’s turning into something mindless, the only thing filling his mind is Ryan and the way they are making each other feel. How they are becoming nothing more than skin and hot breath, mingling together until they can’t make sense of their bodies anymore. Until they are nestled into one another for the most perfect moment.</p><p> </p><p>But not yet.</p><p> </p><p>Shane forces himself to stop the pounding he’s giving the other that, of course, protests like he just took away the air from his lungs. He tries to not be swayed so easily and maneuvers Ryan like he’s clay between his hands, he manhandles him to turn and stand on his knees.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan’s hands fly to clutch at the headboard to be able to push back somewhat into every thrust of Shane’s hips.</p><p> </p><p>Shane allows it, mesmerized by the sight of the muscles of Ryan’s back rippling and shifting with every movement, those on his arms tensing from how he tries to keep himself upward.</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s hands map all that skin, feeling it shift under his touch, his hips pick up speed and strength to reach deeper inside the other. Shane watches how Ryan’s head hangs between his shoulders and how it is thrown back when he nails his sweet spot.</p><p> </p><p>Shane latches his lips on Ryan’s mouth, guiding him into it more with a hand curled around his jaw, mind blown by the sensation of being connected from top to bottom.</p><p> </p><p>“Baby… I’m close,” Shane whispers right in his mouth and Ryan whimpers in reply, slips a hand down to stroke his cock in time with the thrusts in him. His insides twitch all around the solid length of Shane’s member. When he finally comes, while shouting Shane’s name, they clench tight, almost painfully locking Shane in place. </p><p> </p><p>His orgasm is basically squeezed out of Shane that can’t do anything but shoot his load while buried deep inside his boyfriend. He shakily pulls out to take a look at the sloppy mess he just did and almost gets hard again when he sees his release drip from the other’s hole.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan hisses at the sensations, his thighs tremble from the exertion while semen trickles down. He sighs contentedly and quietly slides down to lay on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Shane is right there with him, spooning him from behind and placing kisses all over his neck, nape, and shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan chuckles because it tickles. And because they are still super fucking high with it all.</p><p> </p><p>They whisper sweet endearments and love confessions to one another, and when they regain some energy they go at it again like that, while lying on their side, Shane sliding back inside that hot, welcoming body. They go slow, hips just rocking sweetly while they build the pleasure all the way up just to let it drop again and start all over. Dragging it on and on.</p><p> </p><p>They kiss and grind and promise the world to each other. They sigh and moan and call their names. And they just can’t stop, until the pleasure is laced with that hint of pain that sharpens every movement, until they allow themselves release.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them fall asleep while still tangled into each other, hands latched together. Shane’s long arms are wound around Ryan’s body to pull him close against his chest, face nuzzling to Ryan’s nape and neck.</p><p> </p><p>While they slip under, Shane thinks that he’s glad he was so wrong about the impossibility of loving and being loved like that. </p><p> </p><p>He hugs tight his very own ray of summer sunshine.</p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I noticed back then just… How much of a travesty this is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Shane, we’re not changing the date,” Ryan is definitive and matter-of-factly, unfazed by Shane’s complaints. And equally at ease while his hand skillfully strokes their cocks together. He’s straddling Shane’s hips, grinding down.</p><p> </p><p>Shane frowns because of his words but moans from his ministrations, “It’s been four-”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan glares at him and Shane quickly corrects, “Five... Today’s five years of celebrating our anniversary on Valentine’s Day,” he whines, but his hands claw at his boyfriend’s hips and thighs, “It’s an abuse. I don’t want to care about it,”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan chuckles while he shifts to unhurriedly guide Shane’s cock to his entrance, slowly sitting down on it. He always enjoys the stretch and the burn, he will even stop their banter every time he takes it. No matter if his body has learnt the shape, if they know every nook and cranny of each other’s body by now.</p><p> </p><p>The deep connection is their way to get a step closer to crawl into each other’s skin and that won’t ever change.</p><p> </p><p>“I d-don’t care about it. I care about our anniversary,” Ryan finally replies, breathless. He arches over him and revels in the feeling.</p><p> </p><p>Shane watches the way his boyfriend offers himself to his eyes. Oh, he loves to ride Shane’s cock, they both know.</p><p> </p><p>“Then we should wait to have sex after,” Shane teases while his fingers dig red trails along Ryan’s narrow hips, back, and ass-cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus fucking… Are you serious?” Ryan grunts, distracted from the bliss of finally, <em> finally </em>getting Shane inside himself. It has been a stressful, long day and Shane knows that when anxiety gets too much to him, the other craves the intimacy and the outlet of being overwhelmed. Both physically and mentally.</p><p> </p><p>Shane smirks up at him and gives his behind a moderately hard slap, “Go on then,” he orders, “Ride my cock the way we both like it,”</p><p> </p><p>Ryan’s breath catches in his throat and he complies with a beautiful, fucked up smile curling his lips before they disclose around pleased moans.</p><p> </p><p>They have come a long way since their clumsy first time. They almost live in each other’s minds at this point and intimacy is easy, smooth. They know what the other likes and will always go all the way to pour it all over their beloved.</p><p> </p><p>Shane lets Ryan move as he sees fit. He knows how to move and boy, does he can put up a show. </p><p> </p><p>“You still… F-feel like complaining?” Ryan asks, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to try and muffle the indecent sounds he’s letting out.</p><p> </p><p>“F-fuck,” Shane replies intelligently, before he grabs on Ryan with strength, keeping him still while his hips thrust up into him, hard enough that he shuts him up. He rams into his perfect, slick body and forces Ryan to throw his head back.</p><p> </p><p>It’s good to see Ryan getting so lost in the act that he can only mutter incoherent words. But Shane is not done with the argument.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” he growls and sits up to devour Ryan’s mouth with filthy kisses, “I’ll be condemned to celebrate on the 14th my whole life then,” he all but bites off the words.</p><p> </p><p>Ryan suddenly stops to look him in his eyes, “W-what does that mean?” he pants.</p><p> </p><p>Shane smirks, “Ryan Steven Bergara,” he whispers against naked, slick skin, lips grazing along the other’s neck and jaw, all the way to his ear, “Will you be my husband?”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t care that the timing is fucked up. Or that he couldn’t wait until later that evening. He can’t really mind any of that when Ryan practically <em> glows, </em>smile blinding as he falls between his arms.</p><p> </p><p>It’s like embracing the sun and Shane can’t help the dumb smile on his face while Ryan hides against his neck, completely overcome by emotion. He doesn’t comment on the weird moment, nor he asks what the fuck is wrong with Shane.</p><p> </p><p>They’re weird. And it makes them perfect together.</p><p>
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